Things I've learned from my marriage

Top 10 things I've learned from my marriage, not about relationships per say, but doing these things makes me a calmer person which automatically translates into better relationships.

Sometimes, during the initial years of marriage, we find it hard to set boundaries and often change our habits and activities to suit the other person, visiting relatives (esp if it's either set of parents) and what not. But very often I've found that doing so and in turn somehow unsettling myself, be it for anyone, really doesn't help me or anyone else in the long run.

So here goes-

1. Join classes- it can be anything- learning french language, bollywood dancing, yoga. Keep your independent identity intact. Do things you enjoy even if others in your new family don't like the same things or don't understand how taking belly dancing classes makes you a better wife/ daughter-in-law! :)

2. Volunteer work- helps keep things in perspective and it's pretty hard to stay down when you're bringing joy to someone else esp if they really need it.

3. Join a women's group/ kitty or even a book club- some place where you get to meet other women and see things from a different perspective. Even if you don't, the laughter and gossip make it worth the effort!

4. Keep a TV and DVD player in your bedroom- for those days when you're just don't feel up to talking to anyone and want some me-time or if other family members hog TV time too much then this becomes an essential.

5. Learn to drive- seriously, this is a must or else you'll always be dependent on someone to ferry you to and from wherever it is that you want to go.

6. Meet friends, sister or anyone you really like for lunch at least once in two weeks.

7. Make Saturday night 'date night' with your husband. Friday is usually work and then you might need to run some errands but on Saturday, dress up nicely and make sure you go out and do something nice- a nice dinner and a movie, shopping (NOT grocery!) or anything else you like. But don't stay home atleast on this day. You can always have a date night at home during the week. But dressing up and going out will up your confidence and will add a spark of fun.

8. Retire to your bedroom at 10:30 pm no matter what- even if you have your in-laws, parents or any other people staying with you- leave to go to your bedroom at 10:30 pm even if it means breaking up a chatter session- don't set trends of staying up late and giving up on your quiet time- you will not be able to keep this up and will wake up a calmer and more together person if you stick to the routines you're used to.

9. Do not wake up before 7:30 am or the time that you usually used to wake up at- do not set trends of waking up earlier than you're used to or doing some chores for anyone that you won't be able to do forever. It'll just set unrealistic expectations and it will be very hard for everyone to adjust whenever you decide to go back to your old ways. some things are just not worth the effort so while bending over backwards and changing everything might seem like the best thing to do to show your willing nature to adjust and care about your new family- resist the temptation- it won't make you appear evil!

10. Exercise! Do not compromise on this- your body will thank you for this years down the line. Stick to the time you're used to and don't change it unless something really very important comes up.

I do want to keep a rounded number of points (call me obsessive!) so I won't add another point but the one thing you need to ensure is that you and your DH keep the lines of communication open- be honest, open and clear while discussing things and don't attack/ insult in your conversations. Try and find activities to do that you both enjoy and make time to do one atleast once a week. Remember to have fun!